Harnessing The Power of Emotions at Work
- 4 days ago
- 6 min read
By Jonty Leicester, Senior Consultant, Taylor Clarke
We recently ran a virtual Let’s Talk … Harnessing the Power of Emotions at Work. In this article, Jonty, the expert facilitator is sharing his reflections from the session.
For many leaders, the expression of how they really feel at work is often leaked in unhelpful ways through gossip, furtive glances, sighs and clumsy attempts to move on and brush over the feelings in the room. The problem is that the option of leaving your emotions at the door when arriving at work is not possible, and worse still, as a strategy, it simply does not work. So, the question is, how can we develop leaders to use their emotions to build trust, influence others positively and to reduce the wear and tear of unexpressed frustrations on their mental health?
In very early life emotions are what we use to make sense of the world and only later do we develop the language and thinking that layer over these emotions as we start to talk and be more conscious of our thoughts. As leaders we know that Emotional Intelligence is key to success. It helps to maintain or develop working relationships so they are good enough to get the work done. That recognises that emotions are always primary source of information to help us process the world of work. But what happens when a manger experiences that “often, I don’t even know what I am feeling, let alone know what to do with them!”
In this blog I will be exploring why feelings are often the canary in the coal mine signalling what is really going on. How to turn these reactions into the gold dust that can be communicated with positive intention to have the impact that can vary from building trust, changing how others behave and even inspiring a more fruitful vision of the future. Too often, leaders who use a purely rational approach at work miss opportunities to create a more fulfilling and engaging place for everyone who works there. Something that is becoming more important as more people feel disconnection through technology and social media.
These ideas build on the large body of work that has been done on Emotional Intelligence and some of which may be familiar to you if you have attended an assertiveness or influencing workshop recently. The key thing to realise is that it is not so much about knowing what you can do with emotions, it is being super careful about how you communicate them. Research tells us that an emotional word has more than 90% chance of landing badly with your colleague if you express in the wrong way i.e. ninety percent is the way the voice and body language transmit that emotional word.
Below I will highlight three key steps to help anyone who wants to learn to direct their emotions with more zest and positive intention.
Step One: Identify the emotion you are feeling.
It can sometimes be hard to notice the emotional currents that sit below the surface. Some people seem to run on cold. Regulate their emotions to a point where they barely notice or express anything they feel. Others run on hot, having strong emotional reactions to so many things that they experience throughout the day. Two tips arise here from my own personal experience, first is to take a moment to notice what is going on in my body. Switch off the brain, take a couple big breaths in then out and then tune into your body and sense what you might be feeling. Notice without trying to sort anything out. A second tip is to start to experiment with a vocabulary of affect. The emotions wheel for example will help you with lists of feeling words. Am I nervous or excited, worried or wired. As a start point try to decide at least is it positive (I feel good about this) or negative (I feel bad about this)
Step Two: Decide on your intention.
The next step is to link that emotion to something that is happening. Again, you may need to stop and take stock. Why is there a feeling of unease right now, what is it that someone did that evoked that in you or what is the fear or excitement in you about? Try to get that straight in your own mind before moving to act on the emotion. It is also important to time this right. If the emotion is not ripe, if you don’t know what it is or what it connected to, wait a little longer until this emerges for you. Also, if you found that you are sitting on the emotion take care that you aren’t sitting on it so long that it becomes like a mini volcano. Smouldering under the surface waiting to erupt at the wrong moment when you can longer hold it in - don’t speak when you feel the emotion will overwhelm you. Emotions can’t be expressed positively if you are in the grip of an emotional outburst.
One intention might be to Push it out to change what is happening around you. Try to be specific and non-judgemental in what you say and make sure the emotion is yours and does not blame or criticise anyone else (this stops you being aggressive by undermining the other person) Target what you say to support you progress to goals and outcomes you have responsibility for. For example, you might say “I feel very positive about the idea you suggested in that meeting, could you send me a note of two practical steps you think we could take next””. Or “I feel confused as I still don’t know if you support my proposal, what are your concerns?”. When done well Push shapes other people’s behaviours and you’ll be perceived as providing energy towards action.
A second intention is to Pull others by expressing the emotion to build trust by being honest or showing some vulnerability. Try to speak from the heart and be willing to take a risk to say something that you genuinely believe might be helpful to others, you might even name the elephant in the room that everyone else is avoiding. For example, “I often feel scared of speaking up in our meetings because I don’t want my initial more intuitive ideas to be dismissed so quickly” Or, “Recently I have been feeling a bit sad that our working relationship seems to me to be more distant” When done well Pull helps others understand you better as a whole person and builds trust. You’ll be perceived as inviting more energy in from other people.
A third intention is to Build Together by expressing positive emotions about what you might be able to create together with colleagues. Use emotive, descriptive language and positive emotions to help others step into what your shared experience may be in a few days, weeks or even years. Paint a vivid picture of the future - the joy of crossing the finish line, the pride of seeing the accolades being written, the smile on the faces of the whole team when the new product is finally launched next year. When done well Build Together stimulates the creative side of the brain and creates a common sense of purpose that helps overcome short term barriers and difficulties. It helps release the mutual energy to strive for something together.
Step Three: Be aware of the non-verbal elements when you speak.
All I have written so far are mainly about the kinds of words you might use. But of course, as I said earlier - it’s not just what you say but it’s the way that you say it. Allude to the emotion through seriousness if its negative or a smile if its positive. Use gestures that complement what the feeling is, and your facial expression must be congruent which may feel odd if your default is never to smile at work. Over 90% of the impact comes from this. We are skilled at spotting when others don’t seem to mean what they say. So, check your intention is genuine and speak with integrity that does justice to what you want to say. Sometimes practising key phrases out loud and asking for feedback from a trusted colleague or friend will help you get in the zone when you need to.
In summary then there are three steps to harnessing the power of emotions at work. First, accept that emotions are always at play in the way we react and process the world around us, often at a more subtle or subconscious level. Be curious about your own feelings and try to name which feeling you are experiencing without doing anything about it. Secondly start to link the feeling to what you observe people doing. Then use positive intention to express your feeling to others with impact. Push to shape behaviours, Pull to build trust. Build Together to create a sharded ownership. Finally pay attention to those small elements of body language that help others receives the message you are transmitting by adding congruent gestures, appropriate eye contact, a pause with a serious face, or maybe a smile.
Fundamentally, these skills can be developed by anyone working with a coach, or by attending a behavioural skills programme online or in person. If you would like to find out about how we might include approaches to harnessing amotions in a leadership development programme for your organisation, please contact anne@taylorclarke.co.uk
Jonty Leicester is a Chartered Occupational Psychologist who has coached and trained leaders for over 25 years. Amongst other things, he is an expert in non-verbal behaviour and the skills of communication. His passion lies at helping leaders leverage their relationships to impact others positively to get things done at work.
